When I was 10 and lusting after my high school math teacher--her name was Mrs. Wise, I shit you not--I thought that "putting the meat in the taco" was a rite of passage and innocence was lost. Never could I have been more wrong.
I recount the loss of my virginity with mirth, because I'm pretty sure that no boy is ever a virgin in his mind from the first moment he discovered those magazines in the back of his dad's closet. These days, "magazines" = "low-loss compressed full motion video" and "closet" = "PC in my room", but my point is, boys like boobs, and as soon as we know they are there, our purity is no longer in question: it is obliterated.
That being said, I find that forum posts and YouTube comments sever a tween's ties to youth far earlier than parents probably expect, and others agree with me. The sheer multitude of adult education a young person can experience with a mere 30 minutes of high-speed Internet is staggering. It, paired with the screaming children at my job, is one of the reasons I have not yet chosen to procreate. Something is broken, and we should probably fix that first.
But I had an epiphany only moments ago.
It might have been prepped by a rather lascivious chat conversation (web-cam included!) I had with one of my prospective dates from OkCupid. Or maybe it was earlier in the evening when my D&D troupe devolved the name of their grouping into "4Chan & Glory", and ridiculous adult jokes poured forth (at one point Sarah was laughing so hard she couldn't participate).
Whatever the case, when I read on Evil Avatar that "Party PIgs Farmyard Games" was releasing this week for Wii, I let out such a guffaw that I'm certain my neighbors heard it. And it was not because I think pigs are funny.
That was when I realized that I had ascended to a new level of impurity. The game's title doesn't seem like it should convey anything unsavory, but it does. In so many circles, it does. I almost guarantee that within a week, FailBlog will have some incarnation derived from the poor marketing department of that software.
I lost my mental moral cherry tonight. While I wasn't a "virgin" by any sense, this definitely marked a milestone of sin.
I refuse to believe that you had much of a mental moral cherry left to lose, after spending years and YEARS with a so-called best friend of yours, and then spending all too much time, between the two of you, trying to "educate" me. No way, you may have felt a lapse in your mental chastity, but your mental virginity was gone long ago.
Posted by: Kathie | April 28, 2009 at 02:00 PM